She's Arrived...

After 9 long months, we finally were able to welcome Samantha Annie Musgrave officially into our home. The last month has been quite the interesting one filled with many unexpected experiences. I have to say I really lucked out with the first 8 months as acid reflux was my biggest complaint. The last month started out with my noticing a significant lump one night while getting ready for bed. We had a doctor's visit the next day and before we knew it we'd been to 3 different doctors in 24 hours including having a biopsy. We had to wait the weekend to find out the diagnosis which was not fun as I was convinced I had cancer and worried how it was impacting Samantha and whether or not I'd be around to see her grow big. The results came back and fortunately I had a lactating adenoma which was the best case scenario. It might eventually need to be surgically removed but for now, it is not even impacting my ability to feed her. On Sunday September 5th, I started feeling what I thought was contractions driven by back labor. We started timing the contractions but it was all too irregular so the only thing that happened was that I stayed up all night in pain. This pain continued but was only really noticed at night. On Wednesday I finally called my doctor and asked for some help sleeping as I was dying on soo little sleep. She subscribed something but again Wednesday was a sleepless night. On Thursday I called the doctor again and mentioned to her a few of my other symptoms which had increased with time. The nurse sounded a little concerned and told me to come in for a noon visit. The initial lab results and blood pressure made her concerned enough that I was sent to the hospital so they could finish the labs quickly rather than wait the weekend for results. It was quite the experience to be in the triage area hearing everyone going into labor while I was still a ways away from anything happening. Before much time had passed they'd gotten the results and immediately took us to labor and delivery telling us we were going to be delivering tonight but needed a few more tests. (Good thing we'd packed a bag with the very basics so this news didn't put us into full panic!) They didn't tell us much at that point but we knew something was definitely up based on the concerned looks we were getting. With time our doctor and another doctor from her practice were in our room explaining what their concern was. The other doctor was very frank, which I liked, and told us if he got his way we'd be on the operating table in 15 minutes. He explained I had something called HELLP syndrome and my platelets count was so low that it could actually be fatal. We learned that I would need to deliver under general anesthesia to avoid risking bleeding too much and that there could be complications including me losing my uterus. It was all so overwhelming but at this point my pain had started again and I was a bit loopy and didn't fully grasp what was going on. Poor Scott was told, and overheard, even more so he was quite concerned with what the eventual outcome would be. It was pretty hard as they rolled me out of the room and Scott and I looked at each other hoping that I'd be back in there shortly with our baby girl. (Scott felt like he was back in the 1960's where dads were not allowed to be in on the delivery and had to wait outside by themselves.) My most vivid memory from that night is when they started to put me under and how all I could keep thinking and praying was that I would wake up. Samantha was born at 9:34 p.m. and was 5 lbs and 11 ounces and 18 inches long. A little tiny bundle of joy but she is healthy and strong. Samantha made it back to the room before me by about an hour and Scott was able to spend a few priceless moments with her in the meantime. I came back into the room but was very groggy and still not all that coherent. That night went ok and i was actually even able to kinda feed her twice but by the time morning came, she wasn't latching on and I was feeling worse. Labs were run again and my platelets count dropped significantly again and I was told that I needed to go to the ICU so I could get adequate care. Randomly enough there were 2 couples from our ward down the hall as they'd just delivered as well so Scott was able to get a hold of them so I could get a blessing before heading down to ICU. It was very comforting to get this as I was getting pretty scared and overwhelmed at this point. As they wheeled me out of the room, Scott and I again just looked at each other with fear and concern over what was going to happen next. I begged him to stay there and be with Samantha as much as possible and told him I would be fine. As I was rolled into the ICU, I was relieved to find a familiar face of a friend from church. What a blessing for both Scott and I that she was there working that night as then he knew I was being watched out for and could focus on Samantha - she is not allowed in the ICU for obvious reasons! I ended up being in the ICU for 38 LONG hours where I received multiple transfusions of plasma and platelets. I didn't understand how bad I felt until I started getting these transfusions and suddenly I was literally being boosted back with energy. My sister Sara drove down from Lancaster to spend the day with me in the ICU and my mom jumped on a flight from UT so she could be there that night to try and help both Scott and I. Unfortunately the hospital has a policy where no one can be with Samantha in the nursery unless Scott is also there. I kinda understand the rule but in this instance it sure would have been nice if they'd made an exception as it was so hard every time Scott came to see me in the ICU as I knew it meant Samantha was alone in the nursery. The nurses and Scott fed her by bottle while I was in the ICU but I got a pump and kept pumping so that when I got out of there, I could hopefully transition her back away from the bottle. Around 5pm on Saturday (i.e almost 48 hours post birth) I was able to get upstairs and see Samantha again. It was SO wonderful to see her and hold her after all this time. In the ICU, it all felt so surreal and I often wondered if I really had had a baby or not as it hadn't hit home as I was still fat and in pain and wasn't getting the opportunity to be with her. It was so great to see her after being much more alert as I could focus on how truly beautiful and perfect she was. She has the CUTEST blond hair all over her head - so much that we wonder who has more hair her or Scott! She makes the cutest diverse facial expressions and thankfully she warmed right up to me and accepted me as her Mom. She almost immediately stopped bottle feeding and was fully transitioned within 24 hours - what a blessing as I so needed to make this connection with her to help me get over missing so much time with her in the beginning. It was really neat to see the connection she and her dad had - she quickly reacted to the sound of his voice and you could sense so much love and concern from Scott. I have to admit although it made me relieved to see she had clearly been taken care of while I wasn't there it also made me a bit jealous. I quickly forgot all about the time missed though and focused instead on the present the more time I got with her. It really is amazing how much you can love someone you've just met and how much they can mean to you. Having my Mom around was very helpful as she continued to help guide us on the little steps along the way and allowed us to take a few naps without sending Samantha back to the nursery. The next 2 days in the hospital were relatively uneventful....I recovered from spending the hours lying down which had made me very weak and congested, we started to figure out how to effectively feed Samantha and we learned how awesome and supportive our friends and family are as they called, emailed and stopped by. As we left the hospital I was so grateful for how things had worked out. I would not wish this type of birth experience on anyone as it isn't fun at all but I am so grateful for all of the little blessings along the way that helped us get through it such that now it is just a distant memory which I don't need to focus on but instead can continue on this exciting journey we've started of welcoming Samantha into our home and lives. We love her so much and of course think she is the cutest, best baby ever! :)